3 days till surgery

So I'm in this weird place where I'm doing these really weird things.

1. I'm really jealous of my time. I know I'll be out of it for at least one full week, maybe two, and wont be able to move around good for at least one whole month (because thats what anybody who is remotely honest has told me) and so I have to do anything I don't really want to do I'm pissy about it. Sorry, but its the truth. I went to a field trip today and I stood there many thinking, I've got three days to get stuff done for the next MONTH and this is what I'm doing today? Its kind of pathetic, but its true. I wanted to put it out there because there are chances you might feel this same way.

2. I cry at the drop of the hat. I think this has something to do with suppressing nerves, but if you're like me something changed when you had kids. Example: I use to love to fly more than anything. The sensation of taking off was my favorite. Now I'm always convinced I'm going to die and then what will my children do. WEIRD, but I know for a fact I'm not the only mom who does this. So part of my brain occasionally drifts to "what happens if I don't wake up? What happens if I bleed to death on the table and I did it all because it was something I wanted to do, not something I had to do". Then I look at my giant pooch and all the thousands of these procedures done every year successfully and I slap myself out of it. BUT like commercials, movies, cute things I see, whatever, I cry. As moms I think we're forced to suppress fear for ourselves, its the mama tiger in us I think but also think this is the same thing that keeps us in the same miserable state. I'm tired of being miserable. And I figure if this will help me feel better, it will help my whole family

3. I'm the queen of analogies. I've come up with more analogies to explain why I'm doing this both to myself and to others than ever. My favorite spilled out when I was talking to a friend who is pregnant with her 4th today. I said:

"It's a lot easier to maintain a Mercedes than to try to get a Gremlin up to snuff"

I think that I might put that on a greeting card for tummy tuckers everywhere. Whatcha think?

4. I'm quieter. I talk a lot. Its part of my profession even, but I find myself being more introspective the past few days. My husband keeps saying "I thought you'd be more excited then this" and I keep telling him, "this is the only body I've ever lived in, its hard to imagine it being much different." I think that's how a lot of us feel.

5. I've realized there's no need to keep it a secret. Just like how keeping sex a secret from us when we were teens only made us more interested in it, I've started to realize when I DO tell people that I like that I'm having the procedure they're all 100% supportive and almost all of them proclaim to be "JEALOUS!" I don't think I've ever seriously even thought about having a tuck before the past few months, but I've realized its nothing to be ashamed of, its a great gift to give to myself, and that not as many people are being judgemental about it as I thought they would. Thats not to say I broadcast it to the world, but I'm not holding the surgery back from people I'm close to any more. And their supportiveness is making me feel a lot better about it.

So thats where I am today. Who knows where I'll be tomorrow....